He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love having hate sex.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
