oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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