Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
