last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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