I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
