guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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