Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
