Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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