and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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