You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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