I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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