I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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