Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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