Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
