The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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