wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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