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• (636): View more from Missouri

  The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"

  (1-478): View more from Georgia

  And thats what homeschooling is for

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'

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• (626): View more from California

  I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  your completely serious

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  You're a rent hooker.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?

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