i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
