Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
