So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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