I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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