dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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