Umm I'm too high to move.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
