Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
