handjob tips. give me some.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
