Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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