he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
