I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
