don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
