proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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