so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
