how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
