It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
