Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
