I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
