even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
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She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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