I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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