My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
