She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
