I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
