I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My vagina just recognized that song.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
