i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
