She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
