it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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