Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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