he shaved USA in his pubs
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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