his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
