Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
