Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
