i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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