he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
