The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
