What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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