This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Pants are for mortals
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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