Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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