i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
