ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
