I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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