It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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