I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
