oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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