I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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