i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
