But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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