Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
