i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
