i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
