If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
