she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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