Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
