Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
