i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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